Odin Zeus McGaffer |
Odin Zeus McGaffer was born of a virgin on December 25th over 2,000 years ago. Much of his life remains a mystery, but crackpot theologians believe that he was a virgin carpenter with communist tendencies. McGaffer was murdered by his loving father, rose from the dead, and came back to Earth to consume large quantities of beer and fried cheese sticks. Although there is no solid evidence that supports the claims made in this biography, it cannot be disproven. Therefore you should believe this biography, in it's entirety, without good reason or justification. |
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NotesThrown out of church today. Got in trouble for referring to a nun in a wheelchair as a “Virgin Mobile.”
(Source: doesgodgetdiarrhea.com)
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Is the Bible open to interpretation?
If the Bible is truly the word of God, there is no need for personal interpretation. God has dictated his rules and desires; he doesn’t need billions of varied human interpretations to distort his views. Besides, why would a lowly human interpretation of the Bible be better than the God who wrote it? Could there possibly be an error in the Bible if God dictated it? Think about that. The same God who created trillions of stars, billions of galaxies, the laws of physics, life, Guinness, and bacon double cheeseburgers also happened to write a book. Well, he didn’t exactly write it, he inspired it (whatever the hell that means.) Apparently it would have been very difficult for this God to create a book out of thin air.
(Source: doesgodgetdiarrhea.com)
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NotesMy favorite Christoholic dance move has to be the “Choo-Choo Train.” The best example can be found at 0:09. CHOO-CHOOO!! I’m also a fan of the “Athlete’s Foot Ballet.” It’s where you get a group of the ugliest fucking women you can find, have them take their shoes off and dance on the carpet together. Hope that holy water is anti-fungal. WHERE DO YOU FIND THESE HORRIBLE LOOKING WOMEN?!
(Source: youtube.com)
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NotesHow can I let Jesus in my heart when he’s so far up Pat Robertson’s ass?
(Source: doesgodgetdiarrhea.com)
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Jesus took a shit all over Michele Bachmann’s face last night in Iowa! How’s that for “I was called by God to run for president?!” HAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA YOU BIGOTED CUNT!!!
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Suck me, beautiful.
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(Source: standabovethecrowd, via christiantheatheist)
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Notes Thrown out of church today.The pastor asked me what I did last night on New Year’s Eve. I told him that I have no idea what I did last night because I was more fucked up than a child coming out of Vacation Bible School.
(Source: doesgodgetdiarrhea.com)
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Notes Everyone who predicted and prayed for the return of Jesus in 2011 has officially been met with a giant, transcendent middle finger.Being wrong sucks, so let’s all show some compassion and practice good sportsmanship towards the losing team… LOOOOSERS!! LOOOOOOOSERS!!! LEEEEWWWWWWWWZZZERSSSSSS!!!!!
(Source: doesgodgetdiarrhea.com)
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“Did your house get struck by lightning?” “Sorry to hear that, but we don’t know why it happened; therefore, Zeus did it.”
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I think he’s missing the point.
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Hey, that’s a San Francisco area code. Poor Klaus…
[reddit.]
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I’m cry laughing. This is great. Two thumbs up.
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Anonymous asked: You are a atheist.
A child is proof of a parent. Bread is proof of a baker.
A son is proof of a father, and creation is proof of a Creator.
God is real. God created us all with a conscience. Our conscience reveals or once revealed to us what was wrong and right. Our hearts tell us He is and as we do look at the universe we understand that only God could have created it.
Are you looking to fill the emptiness in your hear? Jesus is who are you looking for.
Not Drugs, Not Alcohol, Not Parties, Not Sex, or Hate.
It's Jesus. Everything we do in life we do to please ourselves.
Unconditional love is what we are looking for. When pleasure stops working and satisfying...you move to hate, and deeper into worse things.
But it is love, just love that is missing. Can someone love you enough,
can someone give me peace and it's Jesus all along. The one we ignore and
are against. So the day, that day when you feel like you need Him. When you hate your life. Jesus will say, "I've been waiting for you, I have something greater for you. A new life. I will be your God now, and you will be my son/or daughter. Then at that moment your life changes. You can't explain how, but you know that, that empty place I was looking for filled my soul and gave me what I have been longing for.
This message isn't only for you. But it is for everyone who doesn't believe. Who is heavy laden and burdened by life. The pressures can be tormenting but that's why Jesus is the way, because no other "god" has promised what He has, Has done what He has, has changed as many lives as He has. There is proof in peoples lives.
But there is always 1 problem and this will ALWAYS be an issue.
"I just do not believe."
Everytime I hear that, it is dreadful because
I know the price for not believe. I took the risk to believe
& God proved and revealed Himself to me.
Although, this fact remains true. Our hearts are blind,
and our hope is weak that we just don't want to grasp on to
Something that Might even might be true. But, for you
It can be different. You can be different. You can make a difference. With a choice to believe in Jesus who has loved you and know you all along but many of us keep rejecting Him. Now I want you to believe, I wish, I beg..but
It is your choice. What you believe is what you'll do.
I hope you choose life today. God bless and Jesus loves you so much. :)
So if everything created requires a creator, who created your God? Or are you going to simply give me the tired old line of he didn’t need to be...
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So if God accepts us for who we are, flaws and all, who are you (I’m talking to you, you hypocrites) to judge us? If it’s “God’s will,” maybe it’s...
